Exhausted

“Exhausted” describes a state in which both body and mind feel drained. There’s barely enough energy left for everyday life. Many parents use this word when getting up, cooking, listening, and comforting feel like work that’s more than they can handle.

In technical terms, the concept is closely related to exhaustion. It refers to a significant decline in energy and motivation, often accompanied by irritability, difficulty concentrating, and the feeling of having mentally checked out. Anyone who supports a child dealing with mental health challenges is familiar with this state from periods when the worry never quite goes away.

Exhaustion shows up in both the body and behavior. Common signs:

• feeling tired in the morning, even though you had a long enough night’s sleep
• small tasks feel difficult, and it takes longer to make decisions
• less patience, becoming irritated more quickly with your child and partner
• Withdrawing from friends, canceling plans that used to bring joy
• physical symptoms such as headaches, muscle tension, or an upset stomach

Such signs rarely occur in isolation. If they persist for weeks and your usual breaks no longer provide relief, it’s worth taking a closer look. For some parents, their sleep patterns shift; they lie awake and brood, which only exacerbates their fatigue the next day.

Normal fatigue has a clear cause and goes away after sleep and rest. After a strenuous week, a free weekend helps, and your energy returns.

Fatigue is different. Experts describe fatigue as a debilitating physical and mental exhaustion that is only slightly alleviated by rest and sleep. It often occurs in the context of medical conditions, such as rheumatic disorders, following infections, or with Long COVID. If exhaustion persists despite rest and severely limits daily life, it should be evaluated by a doctor.

For many parents, feeling drained falls somewhere in between. It stems from constant stress and subsides when genuine relief is provided. However, anyone who has been chronically exhausted for months should take this condition seriously.

Burnout builds up over time. Several stressors combine:

• Endless, constant stress: Worrying about a child with a mental illness is a round-the-clock concern. Appointments, monitoring, organizing, and emotional support all add up.
• Lack of sleep: People who sleep poorly feel tired and run down during the day. Disrupted sleep takes a toll on concentration and nerves.
• Lack of rest: Breaks are skipped because other tasks seem more important. Over time, neglecting the need for rest takes a toll on one’s health.

Experts often attribute prolonged exhaustion to a combination of high demands, social conflicts, and a lack of recognition from those around you. If these signs persist and are accompanied by a growing sense of inner detachment, this can develop into burnout syndrome.

Energy returns when genuine relief becomes possible. Strategies to help parents:

• Prioritize sleep: set schedules, a quiet environment, and less screen time in the evening improve rest. If sleep problems persist, seek medical advice.
• Share responsibilities: Partners, grandparents, or friends can take on specific tasks. Even small breaks help.
• Exercise in small doses: A short walk energizes and lifts your spirits without being too taxing.
• Self-care: Be kind to yourself and take intentional breaks. Rest is an essential part of good health and needs a set place in your day.

For Long COVID and similar forms of exhaustion, experts recommend pacing your available energy throughout the day and starting with small bursts of activity. This approach, known as “pacing,” can be applied to stressful phases of parenthood: small bursts of activity with regular breaks in between.

There are some signs that suggest you should seek help:

• exhaustion persists for weeks, despite taking breaks and getting sleep
• Joy and motivation disappear, even for things that used to bring pleasure
• Thoughts go round and round, and sleep is constantly disrupted
• It’s becoming almost impossible to manage daily life with the child

Your first point of contact should be your family doctor’s office. They can check for physical causes and refer you to the appropriate specialists. For mental health concerns, there are psychotherapy clinics and counseling centers.

Rückenwind “Eltern begleitet” coaches parents through such phases and helps them build resilience. Janike is a social worker and parent coach currently training to become a child and adolescent psychotherapist; she does not make diagnoses. Only a medical or psychotherapeutic specialist can determine whether the exhaustion is caused by a condition requiring treatment; for questions regarding the child, a child and adolescent psychiatry (KJP) specialist should be consulted.