First Signs of Suspicion (From the Parents' Perspective)

The first sign of concern is the moment when it first crosses your mind: “Something isn’t right with my child.” Often, there isn’t a single specific event behind it. It’s more of a subtle feeling that grows over days or weeks. Your child seems different—withdrawing, eating differently, sleeping poorly, or reacting more intensely than before. You notice the difference because you know your child better than anyone else. This initial gut feeling is an important signal that you should investigate.

The triggers are as varied as the children themselves. Some parents become aware of the issue through feedback from daycare or school. Others notice the change in their daily life at home.

Common observations that make parents suspicious:

• The child withdrawing from friends, hobbies, or the family
• Changes in sleep patterns: trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, nightmares, morning fatigue
• Changes in eating habits, such as conspicuously skipping meals or eating in secret
• Mood swings significantly; irritability, crying, or outbursts of anger increase
• A decline in academic performance and concentration
• Physical complaints without a clear medical cause, such as stomachaches or headaches

Some of these signs are a normal part of growing up. You should take notice if these behaviors occur frequently, persist for weeks, and cause problems in daily life.

Once they first suspect something might be wrong, many parents begin to waver internally. One day they think it will just go away. The next, they lie awake at night imagining the worst. This wavering is a normal reaction.

There’s often a reason for downplaying the situation. The idea that your own child is seriously struggling is painful. Sometimes feelings of guilt or shame about how others might judge you come into play. Both can lead you to overlook warning signs for longer than you’d like.

Between panic and denial lies careful observation. You don’t need a diagnosis just yet. But you can start by taking that feeling seriously and giving it structure.

As soon as you have a suspicion, it helps to stop brooding and start taking action. Three steps have proven effective.

Observe. For two to three weeks, pay close attention to when and in what situations you notice something. Are there patterns, such as in the morning before school or after using a cell phone?

Document. Briefly note what you observe: date, situation, behavior, duration. A few keywords per day are enough. These notes will help you translate your gut feeling into concrete examples, and they’ll be invaluable later when you see a doctor.

Address the issue. Talk to your child calmly and without blame. Ask how they’re doing, and listen before offering solutions.

The next logical step is to visit the pediatrician’s office. The U-checkups and the J1 checkup provide opportunities to discuss development and behavior anyway. But you can also make an appointment outside of these scheduled visits to describe your observations.

If you notice certain signs, don’t wait. Seek advice as soon as possible if your child seems depressed for an extended period, withdraws significantly, barely eats, or talks about hopelessness. Comments about being tired of life are always a reason to seek help immediately.

The first place to turn is your child’s pediatrician’s office. From there, if necessary, you’ll be referred to specialized services: social pediatric centers, parenting and family counseling centers, or child and adolescent psychiatry services. You can also reach the “Nummer gegen Kummer” parent hotline free of charge and anonymously at 0800 111 0 550.

Patience is required in the time that follows, as the wait for a therapy spot is often long, and uncertainty about a diagnosis can add to the stress. Support from a parent coach can provide stability during this phase.

A definitive diagnosis and the treatment of mental health disorders should be handled exclusively by a child and adolescent psychiatry department or a medical or psychotherapeutic specialist. Rückenwind and Janike are here to support you as parents through this time but do not replace this professional evaluation.