School Performance Anxiety (From a Parent's Perspective)

School performance anxiety refers to a pronounced fear of failing in school: fear of tests, oral exams, and the next report card. Almost all children experience a little nervousness before a test. According to a Statista survey, one in two students in Germany feels nervous before tests. This is part of normal development.

Experts speak of school performance anxiety when the fear becomes so intense that it blocks thinking. The child has studied, knows the material, and yet at the crucial moment, their mind goes blank. The anxiety centers on the grade. This distinguishes it from school anxiety in the narrower sense, where the fear tends to stem from the commute to school or separation from parents. Both can occur together.

Mental stress often manifests physically in children. Many complain of stomachaches, nausea, or diarrhea on the morning of an exam day. These symptoms are accompanied by headaches, sweating, trembling, the urge to urinate, and trouble sleeping and concentrating. The symptoms often disappear as soon as it becomes clear that the exam has been canceled or the weekend has begun.

Other signs parents can look out for:

• The child has trouble falling asleep before exam days or wakes up during the night.
• They become irritable, withdrawn, or clingy in the morning.
• They avoid certain subjects, never raise their hand in class, and want to stay home sick.
• They put themselves down: “I can’t do this anyway,” “I’m too stupid.”
• Despite studying, their test performance is significantly worse than when they’re quizzed at home.

If such symptoms persist for weeks and interfere with daily life, that’s a reason to take a closer look.

Ambition drives us forward and makes it possible to persevere. A child with a healthy drive to succeed gets frustrated by a bad grade, learns differently next time, and still gets a good night’s sleep. They believe in themselves. In psychology, this confidence is called self-efficacy: the belief that one can make a difference through one’s own efforts.

Paralysing anxiety robs the child of precisely this confidence. It’s already there before anything has even happened, and it’s directed against the child’s own self. Typical triggers include being overwhelmed at school after a change of schools or a prolonged illness, undiagnosed learning disabilities such as dyslexia, ineffective teaching methods, or bullying. The family environment also plays a role. Neurologists and psychiatrists in the network put it plainly: Sometimes parents’ expectations are so high that their child simply cannot meet them, even with the best will in the world. Persistent anxiety accompanied by learning blocks and physical symptoms requires professional evaluation.

Parents can lighten the load without pretending to be indifferent. Here are a few ideas:

• Acknowledge the effort. When children are praised for hard work and courage, they learn not to base their self-worth on a grade.
• Treat mistakes as normal. Share stories about your own exam mishaps. Your child will learn that a slip-up isn’t the end of the world.
• Set realistic goals. A B that was earned through hard work deserves respect.
• Keep things calm before exam day. Make sure they get enough sleep, have a normal breakfast, and avoid last-minute quizzes in the car.
• Don’t make avoiding exams a habit. Letting the child stay home may provide temporary relief but increases anxiety in the long run.

Examine your own expectations as well. Some parents unconsciously project their own school experiences onto their child. Constant monitoring and round-the-clock tutoring—often described as overinvolvement—further increase the pressure. If you yourself are constantly at your limit and your own exhaustion carries over into the afternoons, finding relief for yourself is part of the solution.

A brief bout of anxiety before exams does not require treatment. However, if the anxiety persists for weeks, and the child withdraws, cries frequently, has trouble sleeping, or constantly complains of stomachaches and headaches, parents should consult a doctor. The first point of contact is the pediatrician’s office, which will rule out any physical causes and refer the child to a specialist if necessary.

Severe performance anxiety can be treated effectively. Cognitive behavioral therapy, relaxation techniques, and school-based support measures are particularly effective. In exposure therapy, the child, with guidance, gradually approaches the feared situation until the anxiety subsides on its own. Starting treatment early reduces the risk that the anxiety will become entrenched.

A diagnosis and treatment plan can only be provided by a child and adolescent psychiatrist (KJP) or a medical or psychotherapeutic specialist. Rückenwind offers coaching support to parents during this time but does not replace a professional diagnosis or psychotherapy.