Self-Care

Self-care means recognizing your own needs for sleep, rest, social connection, and exercise—and making room for them in your daily life. For parents of a child with a mental illness, these very needs often slip to the very bottom of the list. The doctor’s appointment, homework, and the next crisis meeting take priority.

Self-care has little to do with selfishness. Health websites describe it as a prerequisite for being able to be there for your child over the long term. If you’re constantly just going through the motions, you’ll eventually run out of energy. This refers to small, regular actions that help preserve your own energy. It doesn’t require any grand gestures.

Parents facing constant demands are under chronic stress. The body remains on high alert for long periods of time, sleep suffers, and energy reserves dwindle. Specialized websites on stress management point out that prolonged stress can lead to physical and mental health issues, ranging from sleep disorders and headaches to symptoms of depression.

For some, this strain leads to deep exhaustion that cannot be resolved by a single weekend of rest. This is where self-care comes in. Regular periods of rest interrupt the state of alertness before it becomes entrenched. Research on burnout prevention shows that rest is an essential part of a normal workweek. Waiting for annual vacation is usually not enough. Short, consistent breaks are more effective than infrequent, extended ones.

Self-care has to fit into a busy day. Often, it’s just twenty minutes, not a whole weekend off. In practical terms, that might mean:

• a short walk alone before the child gets home from school
• a set time when your cell phone—and thus the hospital chat—stays off
• a phone call with a friend once a week
• a hobby that’s just for you, even if it’s only for half an hour
• a relaxation technique like autogenic training or a short breathing exercise

Consistency is key. A ritual that takes place at the same time every day is more likely to stick than a good intention for “sometime.” It helps to schedule the break in advance on your calendar, just like a doctor’s appointment.

Self-care involves knowing your own limits and acting accordingly. That means delegating tasks and saying “no” every once in a while. Experts strongly advise family members to clearly express their own needs and seek practical help when everyday life becomes too much.

Help can take many different forms: grandparents who take a sibling to sports practice, a ride-sharing service for therapy, a support group for parents, or a housekeeper. Sharing responsibilities doesn’t make you a worse mother or father. Getting relief early on is a key part of preventing burnout for parents. It works best while you still have energy, not only after you’ve reached your limit.

In marketing, self-care is often reduced to bubble baths, scented candles, and wellness weekends. Such things can be pleasant. But they don’t solve the actual problem of being overwhelmed if, afterward, everything falls back on the same shoulders.

Effective self-care goes deeper. It asks which needs are currently being neglected and makes changes to the daily burden. This also includes treating yourself kindly during difficult times—self-compassion. Judging yourself for feeling exhausted or irritable drains even more energy. Recognizing that the situation is objectively difficult, on the other hand, provides relief. A weekend away as a couple is nice, but it’s no substitute for a lasting division of responsibilities.

Self-care is a form of prevention and support, not a cure-all for every situation. There are warning signs that indicate short breaks are no longer enough: a constant feeling of inner emptiness, persistent insomnia despite exhaustion, the feeling of no longer being able to feel anything, or thoughts of ending one’s own life. In such cases, medical or psychotherapeutic help is recommended, starting with your family doctor’s office.

Rückenwind Eltern guides and coaches you in taking good care of yourself. It is not a substitute for psychotherapy or a medical diagnosis. Only a child and adolescent psychiatrist or a medical or psychotherapeutic specialist can determine whether a child has a disorder that requires treatment.